Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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