Nicole vs. Life
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
