Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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