All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
