Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
