I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you inspire me to be a worse person
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
