Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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