I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
