So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
