Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
