I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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