I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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