Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
