she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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