I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
