come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
