At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love having hate sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
