he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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