I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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