Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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