i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
