you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
