I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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