omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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