he was CRYING into my vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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