Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
