And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
