I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
is it fun? or sober?
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