i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
