Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
