I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
