We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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