I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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