Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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