My first STD was from a foam party
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
