Christians are straight up FREAKS
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
