you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
