It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize