peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
