I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
smell my finger.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
