I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
