My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
