Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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