around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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