My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
