you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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