You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
