he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
