there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
God, I missed his penis.
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