Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
