That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
