Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
