last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
