and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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