i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
