Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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