Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
