we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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