just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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